Bo Pelini vs. Tim Tebow AND Chuck Norris

By now, I am sure most of you have heard the Tim Tebow vs. Chuck Norris comparison on ESPN after Chuck Norris sent a letter – check that, fax – of congratulations to Tebow after he won the Heisman. What? Total douche bag. Desperate times call for desperate measures. That’s where Sammy comes in. Tim, Chuck – take our guy. We dare you.

Exactly how bad is Bo Pelini…………………

If Bo Pelini was gay, his name would be Tim Tebow.

Bo Pelini’s parents threw him a surprise birthday party when he was young. Once.

Bo Pelini only masturbates to pictures of Bo Pelini.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Pelini now lives in Nebraska.

Bo Pelini can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

Pelini makes Chuck Norris sit down to pee.

Before Tim Tebow goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Bo Pelini.

Bo Pelini does not tea-bag the ladies. He potato-bags them.

Bo Pelini could kill Chuck Norris nine different ways with his headset and four different ways with his play chart.

Bo Pelini sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Bo Pelini.

Bo Pelini can touch MC Hammer.

People wear Superman pajamas to bed. Superman wears Bo Pelini pajamas to bed.

Bo Pelini’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Bo Pelini.

Bo Pelini was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Bo Pelini doesn’t cut his grass, he dares it to grow.

Bo Pelini used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following him to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

They say that Superman’s only weakness is kryptonite. Bo Pelini laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Bo Pelini’s dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Bo
Pelini will not take shit from anyone.

Bo Pelini once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Bo Pelini’s wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says,
“Time to kick ass.”

Bo Pelini once worked as weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Each night the forecast was ’partly cloudy with a 75% of pain.’

Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Bo Pelini.

Bo Pelini recently had an idea to sell his urine in a can. Now it is known as Red Bull.

When Bo Pelini stares at Iowa, he gets popcorn.

Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It is also what Bo Pelini calls the opponents laying in his front yard.

Bo Pelini doesn’t write down plays in his defensive playbook. He stares it down and the plays write themselves.

One time, Bo Pelini stubbed his toe and wiped out the entire state of Ohio.

Bo Pelini eats steak every meal. Most times he forgets to kill Bevo first.

And finally. In a fight between Tim Tebow and Chuck Norris – the winner is……… Bo Pelini.

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