Archive for March, 2009

Prison Has Not Been Kind To Michael Vick

March 31, 2009


Michael Vick is officially on another planet. According to a story at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the disgraced quarterback who holds the all-time record for fantasy QB draft busts says he is hoping to earn $10 million per year upon release from sabbatical in Federal Prison. $10 million……..per year.

Please tell me that Vick is just kidding. Did the ASPCA sign him to a Great Dane-sized endorsement deal? I hope he’s not counting on special appearances during the offseason at Petco Park. Maybe Vick was channeling alter-ego Ron Mexico and really meant 10 million pesos per year? Even that amount is highly unlikely.

Maybe in an alternate universe there’s a chance to make Peyton Manning money for a guy with a QB rating of 75. But on the planet Earth, some team in desparate need of a backup QB, hoping Vick still can run a little after a 3-year hiatus will take a chance on him……….for the veteran league minimum, which is about $9.4 million less than $10 million.

I still haven’t heard what the NFL is planning to do with all those Vick jerseys yet.

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Paging Rob Childress

March 31, 2009


You think Mike Anderson wishes Rob Childress was still around? I wasn’t kidding when I said Anderson would follow Frankie to a choking job, er, coaching job at Ohio U by 2012. But this pitching staff is looking more and more like the staff from the movie The Sandlot by the game.

In losing 2 of 3 to a good Oklahoma team, the NU staff gave up 37 runs, an inspiring 12 and third runs per game. Add in the solid pitching effort against Northern Colorado, giving up another 23 in those 2 mid-week games and the staff has allowed 60 runs in its past 5 games. Marissa Miller might actually have a lower ERA throwing against Northern Colorado.

Show Me The Money

March 31, 2009


Yesterday, Bo Pelini and the entire staff were given salary increases bringing Bo’s salary to $1.851 million, up about 68% from the $1.1 million he received last season. The original contract was also extended one season through 2013. All of Bo’s assistants received significant raises, including Shawn Watson’s bump to $375,000 per year.

After hearing about how bad the economy is tanking right now and the thousands losing their jobs on a daily basis, as well the hundreds of thousands taking pay cuts around the nation, it’s good to see there’s a profession immune to the downturn. In fact after John Calipari officially signs what’s rumored to be a 8-year, $35 million deal to coach Kentucky’s basketball program, college sports appears to have zero impact from economic factors. 8 years, $35 million?

I think we are all happy for Bo and his staff. Last season was a major improvement and considering the insane pay of the rest of the Big 12 head coaches, Osborne likely felt he had to give some raises. Reading his comments, it seems as if Osborne would rather make a move now instead of waiting for a few years, when the average pay for a Big 12 head coach could approach GM bailout money. As an AD, Osborne is looking to secure the future of the program but said “I’m hoping we don’t have to redo this every year.”

In other words, TO probably wonders what the hell happened to salaries after he left the game after winning a National Title in ’07 with a $150,000 base. In retrospect, you have to feel for TO. He probably feels like a 12-year old kid in Vietnam making Nikes for $3 a week.

Pelini said that he “is very appreciative of the commitment Coach Osborne…has made” and let’s hope that means stability among Pelini’s staff and a long tenure at Nebraska. I don’t think anyone in this state would complain if Pelini gets paid Bob Stoops money with similar consistent results on the field every season.

That being said, when does it end? College athletes are still students and the overwhelming majority don’t have a chance at the pro level. In other words, to you college seniors receiving a degree in May with hopes to find a job in this economy, good luck to you. Although the success on the field might help a little in securing a full-time job for your average student-athlete, it’s good to know your coaches are reaping some benefits.

Time Travel is Possible (Part II)

March 27, 2009


For all you loyal DXP readers, you might remember the 1st installment in the “time travel” series from last year here. A broke, degenerate Adrian Peterson traveled back in time and lost his mind at a Jacksonville Subway, calling the cops as his sandwich wasn’t made according to his instructions. I speculated that he might be delivering a Gray’s Sports Almanac for current AP, but there was not a single perfect NCAA b-ball bracket in the $100 million challenge, which AP obviously would win if my theory held water.

It appears more evidence has emerged to support the age-old question of whether or not it’s possible to bend the space-time continuum. This time it’s not some washed up homeless guy pulling a Hal McRae at Subway. That’s right, Oklahoma superstar Blake Griffin has traveled back in time and somehow became New York Governor David Paterson.


Un-fu*king-canny, right? I mean, when I saw these photos it was like I was riding in a car with Chris Brown on the day of the Grammys. BAM, right across the face. But why did Blake Griffin come back to become the Governor of NY? Forget the Biff Tannen bringing back a Gray’s Almanac this time.

I guess a multi-million dollar contract and Lottery pick in the draft wasn’t enough for Griffin. I’m guessing he chose New York for the prestige and future political potential, and the timing is pretty obvious. With No. 9 getting caught banging a high dollar hooker, Griffin waltzed right into office.

I’m not even kidding when I say Griffin will be the next President. Obviously he had to leave the NBA early with Dwight Howard or Kevin Garnett poking him in the eyes and knocking out his vision. I’m guessing this post might create a little controversy in New York today though. I mean Syracuse and OU tip off in a matter of hours. Will the New Yorkers cheer for the in-state team or for the team their future Governor plays for? This story is so much bigger than the UConn story it’s not even funny. You’re welcome Jim Calhoun, me breaking this little gem should take the heat off your boys for the rest of the tourney. And for no reason at all, former NY Governor No 9’s hook below:

Jim Calhoun 1, Yahoo Sports 0

March 27, 2009

Looks like UConn was pretty bothered by that “groundbreaking” report of recruiting violations, dismantling Purdon’t last night. I posted about this already, but someone tell Yahoo they are still the Washington Generals of search engines. Google has clowned those guys so many times it’s not even funny.

Ode to UConn

March 26, 2009

So that son of a bitch Dan Wetzel over at Yahoo Sports is trying to throw Jim Calhoun and the Huskies off their game with this BS story about 24 hours before their Sweet 16 game with Purdon’t. I’ll have you know Dan, that just because you have UConn losing to Memphis in your tourney bracket doesn’t mean you can write a story about some recruiting violations from 3 years ago on the eve of the biggest game of UConn’s season thusfar. There’s a little something called “journalistic integrity” you obviously know nothing about. Who does this guy think he is, Ed Bradley? You write for Yahoo Sports. If you had any journalistic talent don’t you think the guys at SI or ESPN would’ve come calling by now? Even those morons at DXP wouldn’t hire you (yes, we shredded your worthless resume and please stop sending it to us.)

Over here at DXP, integrity is our motto. And I will admit, I too have Memphis beating UConn for a Final Four spot. Does that mean you see me digging up phone records from some washed out recruit from 3 years ago? The kid didn’t even play a single game for UConn. There’s a time and a place, and it’s called “after the season ends” to start slinging mud.

Didn’t that douchebag Dan Wetzel see this clip of Calhoun tearing apart a journalist after a comment about Calhoun’s salary? “Get some facts and then come back and see me.” The guy writes a check for $15 million to the university every year, so don’t think he’s going to be intimited by some phone records.

After that idiot from Yahoo Sports put this story out, I will be pulling for the Huskies to win it all.





By the way, if you want to bet the games tonight, don’t forget to check out Bodog (real, fake, fake, fake, real):

Tim Tebow Speech Immortalized?

March 26, 2009

Am I on another planet or something? According to this story, Urban Meyer had a plaque placed outside the front of Florida’s Stadium with the Tim Tebow “I will work harder than everyone” speech engraved for all fans to walk by in disgust.


Looks like the line to blow Tim Tebow got a little longer. After listening to Thom Brennaman and the worst announcer in sports history, Charles Davis, call the BCS title game this year, I didn’t think anyone else needed to get on their knees for another year at least.

For a speech to be engraved on a plaque, it must be so inspiring and legendary, that it literally makes every fan remember exactly where they were at the exact moment an athlete was talking. Using that standard, only a handful of speeches qualify for plaque status.

At the top of the list has to be Lou Gehrig’s “Luckiest Man” speech. That’s pretty much the gold standard for athletes giving a speech. You can throw in Jim Valvano’s speech at the 1993 ESPY awards, which is one few times it’s perfectly acceptable to cry in front of another man. You can add Knute Rockne’s “Win One for the Gipper” to the list. But Tebow’s speech? Not in the same league, not even the same ballpark, and probably not even the same sport.

What’s next? Does Urban Meyer want to put a bronze statue of Tebow at the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton before the 2010 draft? Solid work Urban, you just weakened a nation today. I will go out on a limb and predict before the BCS title game next year, someone in Florida will claim that Jesus has returned to earth and he wears #15 for the Florida football team. The only reason to get excited about the Orange and Blue will still be the tail.




Where’s the 1st Spring Practice Report?

March 25, 2009

I’m not even kidding when I say the Omaha World Herald should be shut down. I would Rocky Mountain News these guys so fast it would make Tom Shatel’s stomach spin. We are at least 10 minutes into the 1st practice of the spring and the “Big Red Today” page still has something from 10:15am? What’s next? A story about how we just found Saddam Hussein in a rat-invested hole in the ground? This story is older than Mike Wallace. It’s not like the newspaper industry isn’t thriving with $$$ these days. Don’t these guys know I can barely post from my computer at work without hearing how Cody Green looks? Come on, give me something. Is the hip okay? How do the passes look?

Rivals Spring Preview

March 25, 2009

In case you missed it, Rivals released their very brief spring preview of the ’09 Huskers here. They are really going out on a limb by listing the QB battle as “the buzz” for this spring. Anytime I even here the word “rivals” anymore I immediately think Rivals smokeshow Ashley Russell. And since I have 100% creative control of DXP while Sammy Vegas is on a mission to destroy the remaining 23 brain cells he has left in Miami, here is a primer of Ashley. Wonder if Erin is starting to lose some sleep at night? Because I will go out on a limb and say the 2nd picture down could be the greatest Kentucky Derby outfit worn since Churchill Downs was built. If this pic is from last year’s Derby I don’t think anyone within 100 feet of her even cared that Big Brown won.





The Scout 300

March 25, 2009

It’s that time of year again. That’s right, it’s time to talk recruiting.

Scout.com has just released their Top 300 recruits for the 2010 class. Although I think we all could really care less at this time as we have more pressing issues to worry about (Cody Green’s health), it was good to see at least one future Husker make the list. In fact, offensive guard Andrew Rodriguez (Aurora, NE) came in at an impressive #71. And regardless if he chews tobacco as a high school junior or not (see picture), his 6-6, 300 lb. frame will help open holes in many years to come, ala Toniu Fonoti (we could only hope). Other notables towards the top of the list on the Huskers’ radar include OLB Justin McCay, QB Blake Bell, RB James McConico, S Dietrich Riley, WR Marcus Lucas, and DE Jordan Allen.

On a side note, sorry for the sporadic posts as of late. I am down here for the time being and hopefully I can make it back alive and with limited damage to my already limited brain cell count to blog another day (no worries, I’ll have some photographic evidence). In the meantime, A. Rose will move into the DXP editor’s office and carry the site for awhile. Don’t get too offended.