Archive for the ‘Off-field’ Category

Purify’s Official Statement

July 18, 2007

Maurice Purify pleaded “no contest” to all of the charges he faced stemming from his two arrests. He now faces 1250 in fines and probation.

Here is his official statement to the media:

“I apologize to my family, my friends, my teammates and to those who support Husker Football. I especially want to express my apologies to Coach Callahan and the coaching staff because I know I let them down. I am extremely disappointed in myself.

“I am responsible for my actions. The choices I made that led to these circumstances were out of character for me. In each instance, I was under the influence of alcohol. I do not use that as an excuse, but I want to be honest. I am currently addressing this issue with professional help and guidance.

“I realize the impact of my poor decisions. I will not make the same mistakes in the future. My actions will speak louder than my words. I intend to learn from this experience and to move forward.

“I do not know if I will be fortunate enough to play another game at Nebraska. I hope that I can be afforded a second chance to do what I love to do – play football for Nebraska. If Coach Callahan decides that I will not be able to play again, I respect his decision and am grateful for the opportunity that he has given me.

“I am grateful for the support I have received through these difficult times. I regret my actions and I have learned from my mistakes. I will work hard to restore the faith of the people that have supported me.”

This One is Way Better….

May 9, 2007


Courtesy of commenter ‘BoroHusker

And We’re on the Board…

May 7, 2007


With Purify’s antics, our Fulmer Cup runneth over.

Maurice Purify Arrested

May 6, 2007

You’ve got to be kidding me.

I’m covering this as breaking news on the FanHouse, and will update as details become available either here or there.

Sam Keller Will Pop a Cup in Your Ass

March 23, 2007


Yikes, Sam Keller was apparently cited for Disturbing the Peace after throwing a plastic cup and yelling obscenities at a female UNL student who outmaneuvered him for a parking spot. I wouldn’t have thought this to be a huge story, but then I remembered what qualifies for news in Nebraska. ESPN, however, also deems the story newsworthy, as does the FanHouse.

When I was at UNL, parking was atrocious. And after over a decade as a college student at three fairly large universities I can honestly say that I had more trouble finding spots at UNL than at any other school. I don’t want to condone Keller’s actions, but there are principles that guide parking lot etiquette and if you break those rules, you do so at your own risk.

This whole thing sounds a bit fishy to me and I can’t help but wonder whether Joe Ganz might have a sister on campus.

The Quick Fix for Husker Nation

March 5, 2007

As I’ve previously discussed, things are pretty sordid around Husker Nation these days. When Trev Alberts, Jim Rose and Tom Shatel all chime in, however, the end times are upon us lamenting has officially “jumped the shark.”

I still feel that a 10-win (or better) season will be a cure for all that ails the Big Red collective. Unfortunately it’s March and spring practice hasn’t even started. Thus, it’s clear that a quicker fix is necessary.

Callahan and Pederson are trying their best to cut dead weight bring new energy into the athletic department, with their removal of Doak Ostergard. Right idea guys, but wrong office. The fat that truly needs to be trimmed is of the puffy, inflatable, vinyl variety.

That’s right, I’m saying it, folks – FIRE LIL’ RED!!!!


With one swipe of box cutter, one stab of a jailhouse shank, Pederson could retool his PR image and finally bring about Pax Lincolna.

I can hear the detractors already.

“But, Lil’ Red has been around since 1993. He was there for all three national titles in the 90s. He’s another connection to the Osborne and Solich eras. We can’t force out yet another link to our Big Red roots. It’s just not the Nebraska way.”

All valid points. I’ve compiled a list of grievances, however, to make my case for firing Lil’ Red with the UNL Human Resources Department. After reading these, there can be no uncertainty surrounding the reasons for his dismissal.

1. Lil’ Red vigorously humped former HuskerVision production specialist Rick Schwieger at the 1999 Homecoming “Tailgate on the Turf” pep rally. Yes, I know Tom Green was inside the costume during this event, but perhaps Lil’ Red should be a little more choosy about who he lets inside him.

2. Lil’ Red wears nothing but red and also sports his hat turned to the right. Both of these are known symbols of the Bloods. Lincoln has enough of a meth problem as it is. Do we really need to add gangs into the mix?

3. Lil’ Red finished third behind the Stanford Tree and “Other” in an online “Which is the worst mascot” poll. I disagree with these results. While the Stanford Tree is indeed a worse mascot than he, Lil’ Red is far worse than “Other”.

4. The boys at EDSBS have this to say about Lil’ Red:

“Why couldn’t they have stabbed Lil’ Red? His palsied gait haunts our dreams.”

And why should we listen to the opinions of a couple of Florida bloggers? Well check out the number of awards they have won in their sidebar. The world would be a better place if more people listened to EDSBS.

5. Lil’ Red made the list of “Eight Mascots that Need to Die.”

“Suggested method of death: Cross the streams from your proton packs. Watch as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Cornhusker mascot melts.”

6. In 1997, Lil Red took part in the National Cheerleaders Association National Championships in Daytona Beach, Florida. Despite being blessed with an uncanny ability to bounce on his head, Lil’ Red could muster just a second place finish. Finishing second is one thing, but losing to the Virginia Tech mascot – Frank Beamer’s neck scar the Hokey Bird, is completely unacceptable.

7. According to this article, the Lil’ Red costume includes, “a battery strapped onto one hip and a blower attached to the other hip.” A “blower” attached to the hip? Is this really the kind of image we want serving as a mini-ambassador for the university, the city and the state? Oh, and I’m almost positive that “blower” is not the preferred nomenclature for an orally-adventurous coed.

8. I’m pretty sure Lil’ Red stole my soul in 1997 by staring directly into my eyes during a timeout at a Nebraska vs. Kansas basketball game. I’d really like it back ASAP.

9. The name Lil’ Red requires the use of the apostrophe. Utilizing it in this context is just one of three misunderstood uses of the apostrophe. The apostrophe is also a right pinky keystroke which irritates my budding carpal tunnel syndrome. Laugh if you will, but this is a far greater personal annoyance than getting past security at the Nebraska athletic department.

10. I like cheerleaders. The Nebraska cheerleaders are facing financial cutbacks. Lil’ Red costumes cost $5000 apiece. We already have Herbie Husker. I think you know where I’m going with this.

So there you have it. An easy way of righting the ship and pacifying Husker Nation can be accomplished by firing the “Round Mound of Nightmares Abound”. Hell, he already looks dead and bloated. Let’s just go ahead and put him out of his misery.

For True Husker Nuts

March 4, 2007


Certainly no Husker Room can be complete without this Offical 1996 Fiesta Bowl Nebraska Jock Strap which is currently available on eBay. It is an absolute steal as the bidding had reached just $22.50 when I stumbled across it. If someone wants to cough up the cash, I can promise to wear it each and every football Saturday come this fall. And who knows, maybe I’ll even throw up a picture for all the ladies.

HT – Deadspin

Huff Out…Patrick Too?

March 1, 2007

News of out of Lincoln is that junior guard Mike Huff will miss at least the spring after tearing his achilles tendon. This is not a pretty injury and my irrational fear of suffering said ailment keeps my ass planted firmly on the couch. Anyway, Huff was expected to push for a starting spot in 2007, but now will spend the near future recovering and rehabbing from surgery. Although his bio on Huskers.com gives no indication of this, it seems as though Huff has battled injuries before. Maybe a shoulder injury last spring or something?

The loss of Huff could have further repercussions following the apparent, but unverified dismissal of Chris Patrick. As the LJS points out both Patrick and Callahan have refused to comment on the speculation surrounding the starter’s future with the team. This sounds like it might involve the dreaded “violation of team rules”. According to the boys at EDSBS this generally means one of three things:

1. Skipped class.
2. Smoked weed and tested positive.
3. Tackled, upended, and then devoured a Geo Metro whole after a raucous off-campus party.

Given the presence of random, but mandatory off-season drug-testing perhaps we can narrow down the list. Number 3, however, would make for a much better story.

Separated at Birth?

December 27, 2006


Nebraska’s Stewart Bradley arriving in Dallas for the Cotton Bowl and famed comedian Gallagher. I just hope Stew brought his Sledge-O-Matic to drop on Auburn.

*Stewart Bradley Photo Credit: HuskersIllustrated.com

Huskers Matriculate…

December 18, 2006

Nine current members of the Husker football team received their diplomas Saturday in Nebraska’s Winter Commencement Ceremony. The players graduating were:

Zac Taylor
Adam Carriker
Brandon Rigoni
Matt Herian
J.B. Phillips
Stewart Bradley
Ola Dagunduro
Newt Lingenfelter
Will Otto

Congratulations and good luck in your futures (especially the Cotton Bowl).